Janay Samuels
Situtation below (Questions and Answers)
Some of the bigger girls,
who may be more mature, kick her, push her and knock her down if there is no
supervision on the playground. A social worker at the school is helping her
deal with this problem, and the parents are talking with her, but how can they
help her sister deal with these bullies? How can they empower her?
I’m afraid these bullies
will make her hate school or turn her into a fearful little girl. You know how
big sisters worry!
A. Your friend sister
needs to know that bullies are made, not born; that they try to act stronger
than anyone else because life has made them feel so weak; and that they look
down on others because they are really looking down on themselves.
Your friend sister also
needs to know that a bully hardly ever attacks anyone unless she has a small
gang to back him up. These bullies-in-training are her cheerleaders. They
willingly echo her words, throw a punch (if she throws one first), keep a watch
out for grown-ups and even lie for her and themselves if they’re caught because
they don’t want their leader to bully them or throw them out of the group.
Everyone wants to belong to something, even in third grade.
It’s the bully, however,
who decides which child is the most vulnerable, because she likes an easy
target. She may mock the way the child walks or talks, because she knows that
these basic traits are very hard to change. She may ridicule her clothes or her
sneakers, because she knows that she didn’t have many choices, or, as you
discovered, she may attack a small child because she’s small for her age and a
mixed child (more than one race).
A bully also chooses
children who are safe targets, and most girls are fairly safe. Even a 6-year-old
usually doesn’t tell her parents or her teacher that she has been humiliated
unless the bullying gets really bad.
And most bullies prefer
to harass children at school and usually in places with little or no
supervision: the bathrooms, the lunch tables, the hallways and the playground.
Bullying is also more likely to occur if the school is too big for the
principal to keep track of everyone, if the teachers don’t respect the children
and don’t demand respect either, if the school isn’t a warm and positive place,
if the principal doesn’t set clear limits and enforce them, and if the school
doesn’t have a strong anti-bullying policy.
Even if the policy is a
good one, it doesn’t sound as though it is being followed too well at your
friend sister’s school. To make some changes, the parents should tell the
principal how their child is being treated at school, because she will probably
pay more attention to them than she would pay to the social worker.
They also should ask her
to send the school’s anti-bullying rules home with each student and read them
aloud at the next parent meeting. They could also request that parents take
turns monitoring the playground and the cafeteria from noon to 1 every day.
The parents can also
strengthen their child, both psychologically and physically, if they sign her
up for an activity that will help her develop one of his three to four natural
talents. The more they encourage her strengths, rather than her weaknesses, the
more self-confident she’ll be.
They might also enroll
her in one of the martial arts, so she can think about the karate chop she’d
like to give to that bully one day. If your friend sister focuses on her
courage, she’ll always feel braver and better able to stand up to any child or
any teacher or boss who tries to bully him.
You can also help your friend
by letting her visit this great stop bulling site, for games and help for this situation.
http://www.stopbullying.gov/
